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Jairek's best selling book, Live It - Achieve Success by Living with Purpose

Peter King: Welcome to the PK Experience Podcast. My name is Peter King, the host of the show. I've got a very special guest with me today. His name is Jairek Robbins. Jairek is a powerhouse leader, trainer, influencer, author. He's worked with many of the world's top echelon in various industries. For example, he's worked with the U.S. Air Force and their para jumping team. He's worked with the Marines, Fortune 500 companies, the executives there. Top entrepreneurs, top athletes, Jairek has influenced many, many top performers.

Peter King: There's ... it's not a coincidence. Jairek, as I said, is a force to be reckoned with. He's got a great book out on Amazon called Live It which we dive into a little bit on the call here. That's about it, I'm gonna keep this intro pretty quick because I wanna dive right into the call so we'll just leave it at that. Here I am with Jairek Robbins.

Peter King: All right, we are here with Jairek Robbins. Thank you so much for taking the time to be on the show today, Jairek. Appreciate it, brother.

Jairek Robbins: Of course, thanks for having me. Good to be here. Hello everyone.

Peter King: Jairek just gave you a big wave, for those who are listening. So lots to talk about, not a ton of time to talk about it in. But you are the author of a book called Live It: Achieve Success by Living With Purpose. Purpose is a big inspiration of mine, in wanting to better understand my own purpose and helping other people find their purpose. How do you, first and foremost, how do you define what purpose is?

Jairek Robbins: It depends on what people are using it for. It's a great question, it's a really great question. It depends on what people are using it for. If people are using it to try to figure out what their vocation should be, there's a formula that you can use to identify something a little bit better that'll feel like a calling instead of a purpose. But that calling, there's four things that you look in the Venn Diagram of the crossover and you need a crossover of all four. The first is something that you really love. Like, you love it. You would do it 24 hours a day, seven days a week if you could. You just wanna do it all the time nonstop.

Jairek Robbins: Two, something you're actually good at. This takes a little bit of self-awareness. Some of us love to sing, and we are not good at singing. It doesn't mean you can't get good at it, you just suck right now at it, and that's okay. I have a strong belief that says you gotta suck long enough to be okay and be okay long enough to be good and good long enough to become great. So it's okay if you suck at it right now, if you're willing to practice long enough and hard enough to eventually become great at it, you can use it. If not, don't put it on this second list which is, what are you really great at? So what do you love, what are you great at?

Jairek Robbins: Third list, what does the world need more of? It's the name of a podcast that we have running now. It's What Does The World Need More Of? You gotta be honest with yourself and say, "What do I honestly and truly believe the world needs more of?" And write that list. Then the final list is, what are people willing to pay for? It's saying, what do they want, is this question. Because it's not what they want that they're willing to buy, it's what they want. People need broccoli, but they buy Cheetos all day long. Like, people don't line up around the corner to buy a bag of broccoli from places. They know they need it, but that's not what they're looking for. They want the Cheetos 'cause it tastes a heck of a lot better.

Jairek Robbins: So you gotta figure out based on what you love, what you're great at, what does the world need more of, and what people want. What's the crossover that all of a sudden could become a calling for you and a vocation. Something you could do that you really enjoy, you're passionate about it, you find purpose in it. That's one piece, if they're looking for a vocation type purpose.

Jairek Robbins: If they're looking for a life purpose there's a combo here. In my experience it's not about finding it as much as it's about purposefully in your mind attaching it to everything you're doing. There's a story I always share with people, I was volunteering and teaching organic farming in a village over in Uganda. Rural farming village, no electricity, no running water, no toilets. There's this rural farming village. People live literally in mud huts. Like, they use mud bricks to make the walls, thatched roof with like, branches and stuff to make the roof. They live on the ground in the mud, little tiny round place with like, little beds inside of it. It's tiny. I mean, it's not even the size of a room in most people's houses. It's the size of maybe a small bathroom, it's the whole house.

Jairek Robbins: That's where they live and they're all farmers, and they farm. So we were there to help. Every morning I woke up to watch the sun rise, and every morning I'd see this little man come out of the clinic. It was about 100 yards outside the window from the building I was sleeping in. I'd watch him every morning with this long thatched broom. Like, step, step, sweep, sweep, step, step, sweep, sweep. Swept this long dirt path all the way to the main road. Turn around, sweep it all the way back. Then he would stand on the porch and have the biggest smile on his face I've ever seen.

Jairek Robbins: I just got so damn curious, like why does he do it every morning at the same time? He never misses, he's so damn happy about it. What's going on in this guy's world? Went and interviewed him, asked him, you know, "Why do you do what you do?" He told my friend who was translating, he said, "'Cause I'm supposed to." I was like, "No, why do you do what you do?" Like, you sleep in a broom closet at a local clinic/hospital because it's the only room that has electricity and you sleep in literally a closet with cot that touches all four corners of the room that you live in. You wake up every morning and have this huge smile on your face from sweeping a little dirt path. Why are you doing this? What is it, what's the purpose, what's the meaning here?

Jairek Robbins: We kept digging and eventually his face lit up. I'm like, "Yeah, that, that, that." He said it, he says, you know, "I believe every human being, whether it a small child about to enter this world, or a sicker, elderly person about to leave this world through the clinic," or the hospital place. He said, "I believe they deserve a clear path to do so." I was like, "Damn." I mean, this guy sweeps leaves, but he has deep purpose in his life because he's associated deep purpose and meaning to the simple activity he does every day which is clearing a path for people to enter and exit the world through. All he does is sweep leaves off a dirt path.

Peter King: Yeah, that's such a good point. What is that analogy, or that little story where they say, "One man is a brick layer, another man builds cathedrals." It's the same activity, but the purpose and the attachment that you're talking about that they're bringing to it changes the entire context of the activity.

Jairek Robbins: Yeah, and companies are catching on with this and they're starting to do trainings around helping people find more purpose and meaning in what they're doing. It's not finding it, it's associating it. It's helping them connect it, and then it's announcing it and rewarding it and applauding it. You know, there was a-

Peter King: Sorry, would you say that it's finding it first and then associating it? I mean, isn't there a-

Jairek Robbins: It's defining. So there's a piece where there's a hospital, and if you were an operator at the hospital who like, someone calls and says, "Hi, I'm here to talk to Dr. So-and-so," and you, "Okay, let me put you on the schedule." "Okay, thank you," click. Next one, "Hey, I need an appointment with Dr. So-and-so," "Okay, great, let me put you on the schedule, here you go," click. The doctor is the hero, because he or she saves lives every day, and the receptionist is the receptionist. Like what's the real purpose of answering the phone?

Jairek Robbins: So they said, "Wait a second, let's change this so that everyone could be a hero here, not just the one person who writes the prescription." So they said, "Let's see how we can do this." They got creative. They said, "Here's what we're gonna do. Any time someone calls we want all the operators to ask them if they've had a cancer screening, or if they've had a screening for, whatever the top things are people are struggling with. If they haven't, we want that person to then set them the meeting they called for, the appointment they called for, and set them an appointment for the top illness that people are struggling with."

Jairek Robbins: If it is found that they have, let's say, cancer. Breast cancer. If it's found that they have it, all of a sudden they have a party for the receptionist and go, "Wow, this person right here helped save someone's life today because they helped set the meeting that caused the identification of an early onset which caused us to get rid of it before it even started." You know, "Sally, James, Jim," whoever answered the phone, "They're the hero just as much as the doctor."

Jairek Robbins: People are like, "Wow, good job on saving that person's life." Now the receptionist was saving someone's life just as much as the doctor was. Now the receptionist has deep meaning in what they're doing 'cause they're there saving people's lives every day, not just answering the phone.

Peter King: Yeah, huge, huge shift in waking up and going to work every day from just collecting the rent, a paycheck to "I have real value and meaning and fulfillment in my life."

Jairek Robbins: And part of that took upper management and the board and the team to get together and go, "Wait a minute, we need every person on this team feeling like they're most important." If you've ever played American football, it's getting the offensive line to feel just as important as the quarterback. The truth is, that left tackle misses his block, quarterback's toast. So they are important, they just don't always feel important.

Peter King: It's amazing to me-

Jairek Robbins: It's figuring out how to have the conversation to let them know that they're appreciated, they're needed, they're part of the team, they make a difference. It's getting that into the conversation. Same thing at home. You know, every person needs to be acknowledged and appreciated. The husband and the wife both need to be told, "Hey, I appreciate," from each other, "I appreciated all these things you do," and they need to be told every single day. As they're acknowledged and appreciated, all of a sudden they start to feel more purpose in doing it because it's like, "Wow, this is important? You care when I make the bed in the morning after you get up? You care that I take care of the kids all day?" Or, "I go to office all day? You care? Wow." And they start to feel important 'cause it's being acknowledged and appreciated constantly.

Peter King: Yeah, it's amazing to me how few companies, and for that matter, relationships that you're talking about, miss this. It's more than, in my work with other businesses, there's such a drive for growth and sales and revenue and all that kind of ... I'm like, "I know. That's why you need to acknowledge and attach purpose, and fulfilled employees are more productive employees. They're gonna go the extra mile, they're gonna not go in when they're feeling a little bit off," or whatever. "They're gonna give you more." So I don't understand why people don't make that connection that this isn't just altruistic, "Hey, it's nice to be nice," kinda thing.

Peter King: It's more profitable, you have better relationships, you feel more alive, you're more fulfilled. Like ... why do people miss that, do you think?

Jairek Robbins: It hasn't linked up yet, they don't get it. I mean, there's books talking about it, like Firms Of Endearment, Conscious Capitalism, these types of things, where they're showing, and it's one of my favorite graphs to show people. I wish I had it. Where they're showing the, if I remember correctly, S&P500 over a 10 year period of time has a 122% growth. A good to great company which was the ... they all were designated by the [hedgehog 00:11:11] factor and having these incredible leaders that drive things forward in massive innovation and creativity, [but their 00:11:17] really powerful leadership. Those one have 331% growth over that same 10 year period of time.

Jairek Robbins: Then there's something called Firms of Endearment, and Firms of Endearment take care of the community, take care of their stakeholders, take care of their employees, take care of their customers, and take care of the greater good of society overall. So they look at all these factors and they really take pride in really taking care of every factor that's involved. These companies grow at 1026% at the same 10 year period of time. Like not even in the same ballpark. It's a different game. These companies are Whole Foods, Patagonia, Trader Joe's, BMW, Harley Davidson, REI. These are the companies that people love to work for.

Jairek Robbins: People who work at Patagonia happen to be outdoorsy, have you noticed? You know, if you go to REI most of these people look like they go hiking on the weekends, 'cause they do. If you go to Whole Foods you get a lot of foodies that work there. They're creative people who love foodies. Harley Davidson tends to attract some guys and gals who ride some hogs. Like, you get ... understand, these people are part of the community and culture for the organization they work for, and the organization takes care of them. You know?

Jairek Robbins: Whole Foods did this right, jacked it up, did it right, jacked it up. They've gone back and forth. One of my favorite stories was when they very, very, very first started. They originally started under a different name, and they were a co-op. It was all about the community, all about making a difference, all about providing the healthiest food locally. He found out as a co-op they spend more time arguing over which companies they're gonna boycott that they didn't agree with than they did actually growing the business. So they were like, "Okay, this stuff's gotta stop. We need an actual business, man."

Jairek Robbins: So they cut the co-op out and he screwed it up. He did high prices, low pay for employees, maximum profit was his goal. At the time, the dude was still sleeping upstairs in the physical Whole Foods building. Like he was taking showers in the sink upstairs. Then they had ... all the co-op people were like, "You sold out, you traitor, we hate you." Little by little he started to get it right back where you really take care of your employees, you really take care of the community, you take care of your people who ... you know, your vendors that you're doing business with, and he started to learn 'cause he got a lot of pushback.

Jairek Robbins: Eventually he got to a point where he started really serving the community, really serving his vendors, really serving his employees, and he built a family like community through this store. So much so that there was a massive storm that literally flooded the entire store, crushed all their inventory, and they were out of business. They lost all their 40 grand they had, they were done. All of a sudden, the next day a bunch of employees showed up and he was like, "I can't pay you, we're done. We're out, we have no more money." They're like, "We just love working here," and they started to clean up the store. Then shoppers started showing up with mops and buckets and brooms.

Peter King: Shoppers did.

Jairek Robbins: They're like, "I wouldn't live here if this store wasn't here in this town, so I need y'all to exist so that I can get my healthy foods and do life the way I want to, so I'm gonna help clean this stuff up." Then his vendors and suppliers gave him advance inventory on a line of credit that they gave him to have a chance to put it back on the shelves and re-sell it to keep it alive.

Peter King: I didn't know that.

Jairek Robbins: Isn't that amazing?

Peter King: It's amazing. I mean, that is the-

Jairek Robbins: That's legit.

Peter King: That is the power of ... the very first episode I did was with Simon Sinek, and he often says, "People don't buy what you do, they buy why you do it." To have that clear why, that clear purpose, is hugely profitable and not just on the bottom line but in lives. You know? In the meaning of one's life.

Peter King: Okay, so-

Jairek Robbins: The other part that starts to happen is in that purpose, one more piece that can help there is if you look at purpose and you take just what's most important to you, your top three values, and people always go, "Well, wait a minute. My business values or my life values?" Well, you just learned a lot about that person. They just revealed the fact that they see their life and their business as separate things. If they go, "What about my business, my relationship values, and then my personal values?" You're like, "Wow, they see all of this as separate," and some people do. But some people see it as everything's part of life and some people see it as everything's separate, that's okay.

Jairek Robbins: However you do it, pick your business values. If you see your top three business values, one you have to make sure the whole team's aligned, 'cause if everyone values different things, I mean, again, American football. Imagine your left tackle values a four hour work week and not having to put in the extra effort, but your quarterback values showing up early, staying late, and doing everything they can to thrive and survive. You're gonna have a different experience on Sunday. One guy's gonna be ready, one guy's not. When the person busts through your left tackle and runs you over, I don't care as a quarterback how hard you trained, you're gonna get run over and blindsided because your left tackle believes in the four hour work week and didn't come to practice half week. You're screwed.

Jairek Robbins: So you gotta make sure all your team members have the same beliefs. It's okay to have the four hour work week concept if everyone eats, sleeps, breathes, and lives it and optimizes it. It's okay to work 24/7 as long as everyone's on board. But you need to make sure the team is cohesive and all in line with what the real values are. Not just what's written on the wall, because a lot of people write good stuff on the wall. But then when you watch how they treat each other it's not what's written on the wall. So it's gotta be what's actually happening, not just what's being written and dreamed about in good planning meetings every year. It's gotta be the real deal.

Peter King: The best place to see that is in somebody's accounting and their calendar. Where are you spending your money and your time, and is that in alignment with your values? Show me your calendar, show me your [crosstalk 00:17:15].

Jairek Robbins: Well the truth is, if you look at their calendar and their P&L or where they're spending their money, you know what their values are. You don't have to ask them. They just told you what their values are, it's where they spend all their time and money. Now, once you know what they are now you gotta make sure that you help them link up. This is where a lot of purpose is found. All their daily actions that are necessary to get the results, they have to link those up mentally to their top values.

Jairek Robbins: Any time you hear the person saying, "I should be doing this," or, "I really have to be doing this," or, "Oh yeah, I know I need to get to that," all that means is it's something they don't believe in their mind is aligning with their top values. 'Cause if it's aligned with their top values it's, "I can't wait to do that, I'm so excited to do that. I can't believe I get to do that." When their top values are aligned, you hear a whole different conversation about all the stuff they have to do that day, and it's "get to, want to, excited to." Any time it's not aligned you hear, "Have to, I know I need to, I must do that," it's all the "ugh" feeling. All that means is mentally they don't see how by doing this it helps them stay in alignment with what's actually most important to them in life.

Peter King: So even, let's say for someone who values health, right? Getting out and running, as I mentioned before we started the podcast, I'm here in St Louis and the winters are miserable. It's cold, it's dreary. Getting up early to go out for a run ... are you saying that if I was to say, "Ugh, I gotta go run," even though I value fitness and being healthy that there's an out of alignment there? And if so, how do I like to go for a run in the dreary cold winter? Jairek, please, help me 'cause I need some help with that.

Jairek Robbins: Okay, no problem. The first is it's losing track of the outcome and getting caught up in the vehicle. So the vehicle's called running. But that's not the only vehicle that can take you to your health outcome. So you say, "What's the outcome? It's to stay healthy, vibrant, fit and alive." Okay, what are all the vehicles that can get me there? You don't have to go for a run. You could do plyometrics, you could do Tabata in your living room. You could do jump rope in the garage. You could build your own gym in the garage, you could by a treadmill desk and just walk all day.

Jairek Robbins: As a matter of fact, running, according to the blue zones where people live the longest, the centenarians, most of these people don't have 60 minutes of grueling, hardcore exercise every day. They have 20 minutes of type cardio, type Tabata, type exercise. Most of it's gardening, walking to go get water down the road, going to communicate with their friends. What they really have is perpetual motion, which means they're constantly in motion all day long. Meaning they're getting up, sitting down. Walking across town, sitting down. Standing up, leaning down. Doing some gardening. Going to get some water. They're always moving.

Jairek Robbins: So the truth is it might be fun, it might feel good to go for the run, but there's probably at least 20 other things you could do that morning besides running to still get the same effect if you really want it. Now, how to fall in love with running if that's like, I have to run and it's dark, blistering, cold outside. And I've done this. I was speaking at an event in Ireland and it was ... I don't even know what the hotel was, like the Red Lion something Den's Inn or something.

Jairek Robbins: There was no gym in this hotel, which they had an indoor pool but no gym. So that was like, "Okay, interesting choice, y'all." But I was, and I didn't have the right gear with me, so I just put on four layers of clothes and was jogging around the outside of the building all morning as people were coming in for the event that I was speaking at. They were like, "Hey, it's the speaker. Why are you outside?" I was like, "Brr, brr," as I'm running circles around the building.

Jairek Robbins: Now, what's funny about that is I just like to run because it gets my heart rate going, makes me feel fired up. So the way to actually enjoy that again is linking it up. What value does this connect with that's more important to me than short term pain or discomfort? What value, what does it mean to me, who am I? When I thought about it I said, "You know what? I'm gonna link this up to taking care of the ones I love." Because I said, "If I can become more resilient as a man, I can take care of my wife and future children." Imagine they got stuck in the cold somewhere and I needed to go jog three miles to get to them to save their life. Am I prepared? Did I practice?

Jairek Robbins: Did I get my mind and body into a place that literally I could run that three miles without the right gear and know I could successfully get it done, save their lives and get them back to shelter and safety when needed?

Peter King: Let me ask you-

Jairek Robbins: In my mind I play that scenario and I said, "Shit, I gotta get outside and practice." So all of a sudden I'm outside running in circles and I'm like, "What is this for? This is for any future scenario that I need to be ready for this to know that one, I can do it, and two I can do it exceptionally well and absolutely deliver." I don't want uncertainty if my family's on the line. I took a top value, created a story around it, and all of a sudden it's very important to train.

Peter King: So I was just gonna ask you how you, on the granular level, how you actually go about linking that up. You started to answer that right now with telling that story. So do you come up with sort of a worst case scenario and-

Jairek Robbins: Or best case, yeah.

Peter King: But I mean, attach it to your value. Then is there a process through which you're actually ... it's one thing to intellectually just associate, but it's another thing to really deeply feel like, "Shit, if my family is in ... they're being threatened or something and I have to run," or whatever, that's more of a visceral emotional thing. Are you meditating? Do you really kinda, do you close your eyes and really associate? How do you actually link that value to that, the vehicle or that thing that you're [crosstalk 00:23:02].

Jairek Robbins: Sure, everyone's different on this. Some people, very, very, very, practical people like, total logical people will think this is completely ridiculous and irrelevant. They'll be like, "That's stupid, I will not run outside. It's just a waste of energy. If my family's cold, then I'll do it, but I'm not even gonna think about it until then." That's okay. The emotional people, they'll be able to feel it and go, "Oh my gosh, that's so important to me," and it'll drive them to action. It's a combo of emotional reasons and logical reasons. This is basic sales. The only reason someone buys into something is they need enough emotional reasons to buy now and enough logical reasons to buy now. Same thing here.

Jairek Robbins: To buy into the fact that you need to go run in the cold, you need enough logical reasons why this makes sense and you need enough emotional reasons why this makes sense. You gotta keep stacking them. So I believe in stacking, which means you come up with one reason. You go, "Okay, that's nice." Then I need two reasons, and three reasons, and four reasons, and-

Jairek Robbins: That's nice! Then I need two reasons, and three reasons, and four reasons, and five reasons, and six reasons. And then switch over and go; now logic. What's a logical reason? What's another one? What's another one? What's another one? What's another one?

Jairek Robbins: Then go back to emotion; What's another emotional reason? Another emotional reason? And you keep stacking. People say, well, how much do you stack? Keep stacking until you are literally outside running.

Peter King: Right.

Jairek Robbins: You built up enough emotional rocket fuel, I call it.

Peter King: Yeah.

Jairek Robbins: Wrote about it in my book "Live It" where it's enough emotional rocket fuel that you're literally propelled into motion. That's how you know you have enough. If you're still sitting there thinking, you don't have enough. Keep stacking.

Jairek Robbins: And for some people; they could stack like five and be like, "Ah!" and running out the door. Other people, they'll stack like 250 and be like, "I still don't know if it's worth it." But if you keep going, eventually you'll be like, "Eh, screw it. I'm tired of thinking. I'm just gonna go outside."

Peter King: Right.

Peter King: So you've authored the book. What other things are you doing with your time? Because the deeper question for me was, how do you define what your purpose is for you; or, how do you communicate what your purpose is?

Peter King: So, let me start there. What do you say your purpose is?

Jairek Robbins: Sure, this is pretty simple. So it's changed over time. And it changes because I've evolved as a person and I've seen what's actually most important. I mean, I could show you a little bit of an evolution. When I was younger it was about transforming the world, changing a million lives, touching a billion people. Like all this jazz. And then, I've gotten older and I just realized.

Jairek Robbins: Like, you know what? The whole starfish on a beach story, if you're familiar with it, where one morning... it's like two thirty in the morning and there's this little kid running all over the beach. And all the starfish had been swept up on shore and then the tide went out and they're all stuck on the beach. And this little kid is sprinting and grabbing one and chucking out into the ocean. And running and grabbing one and chucking it in the ocean. And then some person looks over and says, "Kid! What are you doing? There's like a hundred thousand starfish on this beach. There's no way you're going to get to them all." And he's like, "It doesn't even matter. Your effort is worthless. Like there's no way you can get to the hundred thousand starfish that are on the beach." And the kid goes, he picks it up, and he throws it. And he's like, "It doesn't even matter. It doesn't matter." And he picks up the next one and he looks up, and he goes, "Sure as shit matters to this one," and he chucks it out into the ocean. And then he runs on to the next one and keeps going.

Jairek Robbins: And I've learned to transform our whole mission. And what's funny is that our business group rapidly, when we made this distinction and decision, which was, our purpose as a mission is to reach the person that needs us most, at the moment they need it, with the message they need.

Jairek Robbins: [inaudible 00:26:33] easy part is; we don't know who they are, what they are, or what they need. But every day our team works their faces off pushing out good thoughts through all our platforms, all over the world. Now, I'm blessed to say every single day we receive messages from all over the world saying, "Wow! I needed that." Or "Thank you so much." Or "I was depressed and this reminded me of why I should live." Or "I was going through a shit time and this put a smile on my heart for the day." And it can be the simplest thing in the world, but it's just reaching the people that need us most, at the moment they need us, with the message they need.

Jairek Robbins: And what's wild is that's why we do stuff like this podcast or these conversations is my hope is someone's listening. I don't know who you are, where you are, or what you need, but I hope you'll find it in this conversation. And it's truly a blessing to be able to do that. And what's funny is when we transformed to that being the core mission of what we do, all of our metrics and numbers grew exponentially. Because it was less about what can we get and more about what can we give. And that transforms every relationship.

Jairek Robbins: I know, before we talked, you were asking me; what was my experience with my father? And when I was younger, it was wanting his love, wanting his approval, wanting that connection, wanting that time. You know he was busy building a business and he spent three hundred and something days a year on the road building it from scratch. And so I wanted to have connection with him. I wanted to see him. I wanted to have that approval like a lot of sons or daughters do from their parents or grandparents or whoever it is. And so, a lot of times I wanted this so much from him that I was hungry for it. And so, a lot of times in our lives, when we are hungry for someone's love or affection, we'll think we need to be a certain way. So, I started showing up, how I thought he wanted me to show up to get that love or approval from him. And over the years, I kind of crafted myself into the version of myself he thought he wanted me to be, or he would approve of, or that kind of stuff.

Jairek Robbins: Eventually, I decided to be like, "You know what? No, I need to figure out what I'm all about. I need to take off the mask. I need to take off the fancy clothes and just do me. Show up exactly how I would show up. Get very comfortable in my own skin.

Peter King: Right.

Jairek Robbins: Which is a big thing for a lot of people.

Peter King: It's a scary thing. [crosstalk 00:28:43]

Jairek Robbins: It is.

Peter King: [crosstalk 00:28:44] Really, yeah, disorienting.

Peter King: So how did you? So what did you do and what did you discover in that process?

Jairek Robbins: Well those four questions.

Jairek Robbins: #1 Who did you want love from the most?

Jairek Robbins: #2 Who did you think you had to be in order to receive that love or attention, or affection?

Jairek Robbins: #3. Who are you today? A lot of times it's a mirrored reflection of who you thought you needed to be.

Jairek Robbins: #4. What do you need to start doing and what do you need to stop doing to just be more yourself?

Peter King: Can we go through those questions as you... through your journey and kind of map that; so that people can see how that affected the change in your trajectory?

Jairek Robbins: Yes, of course.

Peter King: So you were talking about your father's love and significance. Was it your father or your mother?

Jairek Robbins: So, for me, it was my dad and my grandma.

Peter King: Okay

Jairek Robbins: Two of them.

Jairek Robbins: Two people I looked up to. Two people I was close to. And I wanted both their love and affection. My mom gave it to me 24/7 all the time, everywhere. Like I could, kick an animal and she would be like, "Oh but I love you." Like, I could be a horrible human and she would just think I would be a beautiful soul because I'm her baby. So, God bless my mom. I love her because she gives me never-ending amounts of love regardless of what kind of human I choose to be.

Jairek Robbins: Now Dad and Grandma, they had some structure to it. At least in my head. Now, this is the truth. It wasn't in reality. It was in my head. I thought they had structure and rules of who I needed to be. But in reality they weren't really there. And I learned this later, when I grew up a little. But in my head, I thought there were certain structures of how I needed to show up for that approval or love from them. And so I though I needed to be a, you know, a good person. I thought I needed to work hard. I thought I needed to have good grades. I thought I needed to succeed. I thought I needed to help people. All these, it's natural, normal, good stuff; a big part of who I am still. I thought I needed to be neat and orderly, always have my shirt tucked in. Always had my hair combed. Always be dressed the best. All this kind of stuff. Somehow I picked up along the way.

Jairek Robbins: In my book I write about it. Where literally there was like a little moment where I went for family pictures. And my step mom told me, "Hey, comb your hair and tuck your shirt in. Your dad's going to be real mad if he sees you messy like that." That was nothing more than trying to convince a kid to tuck in their shirt for the family photo. That was nothing to do with my dad. But in my mind, for the next fifteen years of my life, I thought every time I was around my dad I had to have my shirt tucked in and my hair combed.

Jairek Robbins: What's funny is, so many years later, we were on a trip to go see the gorillas in Rwanda and I asked him. I was like, you know, "Do you care if my shirt's tucked in?" And he looked at me, he goes, "Why the fuck would I care if your shirt's tucked in?"

Jairek Robbins: I'm like, "Do you care if my hair is messed up?"

Jairek Robbins: He's like, "Again, why the hell would I care if your hair's messed up?"

Jairek Robbins: I'm like, "You're telling me for fifteen years I've thought I had to have this shit perfect all the time?"

Jairek Robbins: And he started laughing. He goes, "How the hell did you come up with that?"

Peter King: Mom.

Jairek Robbins: I said, "Shit! I don't know." And I thought back and I was like, oh my gosh, it was the stupid family photos we did that year. And I had my hair all messed up and my shirt all jacked up and my stepmom told me, just to get me to tuck in my shirt, "Your dad's gonna be real upset if he sees you like that." And for fifteen years I thought I had to show up that way, all because of one unintentional comment that was made. For no other reason than to make the picture look good.

Jairek Robbins: And she didn't even, you know, I told her that story. She laughed and she said, "I don't even remember saying that."

Peter King: Exactly. Exactly, as parents... I mean, you don't have any kids yet but I know that too. Like, I'm very cognizant of that. Like I wonder what little thing I said that just was an off the cuff thing.

Jairek Robbins: I wonder what I said that's just going to royally jack up my kids for twelve years.

Peter King: Exactly. That's exactly what I think. I love it. Many I hope it's not anything too bad, but I'm trying to teach them awareness and all that. But I mean, what are you gonna do? You can't be perfect and we all have to go through that process.

Peter King: That's correct.

Peter King: But it is amazing how those little things turn into... I mean you took fifteen years. Some people live a lifetime with it. They're not even aware that they're doing it. It's driving their behavior. They're not even aware. And they're in a vocation that they don't love. They're driving cars, they have no... Like, I went through sort of the same process. I'm like, "Why am I driving the one I've been driving?" I was like, "Yeah, I guess that's the car I was, my dad always drove. And I was familiar with it and I knew it. And I mean, yeah I like it, but it just got me to think: if I had my free choice, would I choose this car?

Jairek Robbins: But watch this. Why do you speak the language you speak?

Jairek Robbins: Why do you believe in the religion you believe in? Why do you live in the part of town you live in? Why do you drive the car you drive? Why do you wear the clothes you wear? Why do you do all this stuff?

Jairek Robbins: Most of us, there was never a point in our life that we made a personal decision to say, "This is what I choose. After reviewing all the options. After looking at everything that was available. This is what I'm choosing to do with my life. Instead, it's what you just said. My dad used to drive that car. I drive that car. My parents live on this side of town. I don't know, it just felt normal to live somewhere around here. You know, I've always worn these clothes since I was a kid. You know, why do you wear the underwear you wear? Probably the same underwear you've been wearing since you were a kid. And someone else bought your underwear at that point in your life, and you're like, I don't know it's just what I've always worn. It's comfortable.

Jairek Robbins: And it's stupid to say, but it's the reality of what most people do. It's just caught up in a pattern.

Jairek Robbins: Duke University found out that, after doing a research project that, 60% of what we do everyday is nothing more than an unconscious pattern. Meaning we're not even cognitively awake. If you look at that. If you look at a chart. Imagine like, brainwaves, where they are spiking up and down, up and down, up and down, up and down. That when we do something for the first time, the brainwaves are like all over the place. When you do it for the 20th time, there's a spike in the beginning and then your brainwaves go to almost dormant on the bottom. And then when you switch activities, they spike back up at the end. Meaning your brain is literally turned off and you're in autopilot. People call this unconscious competence. Which means you don't have to be conscious to complete the activity. Which people take pride in if it is a skillset you were trying to learn. The problem is, that's why when people get older, they say, "Oh my gosh! Time just flies by." It means that most of the day your brain was literally unconscious because you were going through unconscious, physical routines that you do every single day without paying attention to what you're actually doing.

Peter King: And it goes deeper than that because it creates that neurotic pathway that triggers, like, for example; a lot of people drive to work every day. It's such an automatic behavior. You kind of are in a hypnotic trance while you're listening to the radio or on the phone or whatever. And, I did this for a number of years, and then, they changed the exit. They were doing some work and I had to get off an exit earlier. But my mind never triggered until my mind saw certain things to go "Oh!" And for about a week and half to two weeks, I kept driving past the earlier exit and going, "Ah!" Which was really annoying because the next exit was like another several miles down the road and I'm just... "uh".

Peter King: We just get caught into these patterns and it takes a while to rewire our brains to what we want. So, with, that's not to say though that you can't choose. It's not to say that even though, I'm the religion that I am or the car that I drive. It's not that we can't choose those things. Once I had that awareness I was like, I like my car. I would choose this car. It's a good car. But I chose it out of consciousness.

Peter King: You know, you're doing a lot of work that has been in your family for some while. I'm assuming that you're doing it because you find deep fulfillment in it. And a deep level of success and all those other reasons. And not just because you're trying to achieve somebody's validation or love, or approval.

Peter King: That's right.

Peter King: But quite a different story when you take that conscious awareness to it.

Jairek Robbins: Yeah, and I can say that. When I started, I don't know if, thinking back. It might have been for that connection or that approval. Cause I have spent six years working inside my dad's company, in coaching, and I always wanted his approval. I always wanted a connection. You know, and then I spent another two years in outside sales. And then I decided to start a company that, we don't look at it this way, but in the beginning, technically, directly competes with his.

Peter King: That's true.

Jairek Robbins: Which means it caused a bunch of headaches. It caused me having calls from his legal team being, like, what the hell do you think you're doing?

Peter King: Oh wow.

Jairek Robbins: I was like, "I'm starting a coaching company." And he's like, "And?" They're like, "You can't use any of our material." And I'm like, "Okay, I won't." And I'm like, " I don't know if you can tell if I am or not, but I won't." [crosstalk 00:37:47] But it creates friction.

Peter King: Is there, did you, were you frustrated at all about that? Like, "Hey, this is my dad." Like...

Jairek Robbins: I never looked at it that way. I looked at it as the mission is to help people. And if I'm helping people then you all should be supporting it because, you all say the mission is to help people too. So technically, we're both helping people. Now, if you're mad at me for helping people, is that really your mission? And they'd be like, "Well, yeah it is the mission." I'm like, "Then you all should be supporting me. Let's go! Like, there's seven billion people on the planet. The personal development industry has only gotten to 300 million of them. There are four, seven, 6.8 billion people that don't know this industry exists. We've got a lot of work to do.

Jairek Robbins: You know, there is no reason why anyone should be trying to tear down other companies. They should be building everyone up in the space and being like, hey, all of us need to figure out how to get to that 6.8 billion other people. And then we need to work our asses off every day to try to change their lives.

Peter King: Yeah.

Peter King: So how did that play out?

Jairek Robbins: Well, it played out to the point where we had a few head butts. And it was us learning something which was us recalibrating. And what was funny, what transformed everything was a couple things.

Jairek Robbins: At one time, just getting used to it and being like, "Oh" I'm not going after his clients. As a matter of fact, which people show up and they're like "Oh I just went to your dad's event." And I'm like "Great! They have coaches. Go talk to them." I send people right back over. And they're like, "But I want to work with you." I'm like, "I'm full. Sorry. Bye." And I send them right back. And they're like, "wow, well that's pretty cool." Like, "You could get the business." I'm like, "I don't need the business. There's 6.8 billion other people that need help. If these are your clients, take them. You know, I want the other 6.8 billion people on the planet. I'm not concerned with the 300 million that are already into this stuff. I'm concerned with people who have never heard of this before in their life."

Jairek Robbins: That's why we create stuff like that podcast, because people who get personal development, they're already listening to great shows like yours. They're listening to Tim Ferriss. They listen to Lewis Howse. They listen to Deshawn Stevenson. They're into it. I want to talk to the people who don't know this exists and I need to come up with a creative way to make it look like we're not talking about personal development. We're just talking about how someone overcame addictions, how someone overcame losing their baby at a full-term birth, how someone overcame getting invited on a trip to rescue 26 girls, 9 - 10 - 12 years old who've been abducted into sex slavery, and what's it like mentally, as a father when you get there and help get the bad guys arrested. Get the young kids taken away and then you're sitting there crying realizing we have no fucking problems. Like these are real conversations I want to bring to life for people. So that if you're in a top office in Hong Kong or a small village in Uganda, you realize; #1. You're not alone. #2. You can make it through this. #3. Just keep moving forward, just keep making progress. It's all going to work out in the long run.

Jairek Robbins: And if you can get these core messages to people without making it look like a book and a seminar. I've realized that I can get to those 6.8 billion people and I try my best every single day to find them. That's why that's our core mission. How can we reach the people who need us the most, with the message they need, at the moment they need us. And that's why we create all this content; to push out there and figure out a way to get to them in the least suspecting ways. And we're not packaging it up like everyone else because there's plenty of people doing that. We have some stuff that falls into the normal space, but most of our stuff we're trying to wrap up in different packages so that it slides under their radar and gets out as just a normal conversation that happens to show them more options in their day to day life.

Jairek Robbins: And so, over time though, that wasn't it. I was trying to mirror, mimic, and model a lot of stuff I saw dad doing, because apparently it worked. Lots of people do that. I see lots of people go to a seminar, come out the other side and they're going to be a success coach and a speaker like Tony. And I'm like, “Yay. Proud of you. Go get it done, man. Just go after the other 6.8 billion, please.” And so, that happens all the time. And over time, one thing that dynamically changed everything, is when I sat down and I said, you know, “What do I really want to receive most from him and my grandmother?” You know, the type of love, the type of appreciation, the type of acknowledgement? And then I asked myself a deep question, “How much of this do I continuously give to them?”

Jairek Robbins: I was like, “Oh shit.”

Peter King: Time to grow up.

Jairek Robbins: Yeah.

Jairek Robbins: And I remember it dynamically changed. My wife changed a lot of this for me, because she naturally does this. And I observed her doing it. And I was like, "Wow, people like me a lot more when you're around."

Jairek Robbins: And she's like, "Shut up! People love you."

Jairek Robbins: And I was like, "No seriously, I think they think I'm a lot cooler when she's around."

Peter King: Interesting.

Jairek Robbins: And she goes, "What do you mean?"

Jairek Robbins: I was like, " You are good at a couple of things I'm not as good at." And it's why I feel like I'm always trying to get it. But she feels completely full. And when I noticed and watched close enough, the realization was, she always; and we both do this... we did it in different areas, but it's the concept of taking time to fill up and give yourself so much of what you're looking for that you're full. Then now, when you go to those other people, instead of trying to get anything, you're only there to share the abundance that you're overflowing with. And as soon as that happened, I remembered going to lunch with Dad and being like, "How's your book doing? That's amazing! Congratulations! I'm so proud of you! Holy shit! Look at what you just accomplished. How many people did you get there? Fuck, that's incredible! You just broke another record! Good job!" And all that conversation changed and then something really magical happened. All of a sudden, it's funny. When I no longer needed it or wanted it, it started to show up in layers and layers and layers of conversation right back.

Jairek Robbins: "Holy shit! I'm so proud of you! Look at you go! That's amazing! Holy crap, that's incredible."

Jairek Robbins: And then, like whoa! What the shit just happened. It's like the concepts, you know, people say, when you're starving and you have no money, no one will give you shit. Soon as you become a multimillionaire, everyone wants to take you out for a free lunch. And it's like, where the shit were you when I was broke, bro? Like, come on! And its the same concept here. When you feel empty, no one wants to share it with you. If you take time to fill up personally from the beginning, yourself and then you share it with all those people around you, it comes back in layers and layers and layers every single day.

Peter King: The part where you said, "give it to yourself first", I think is so important. As a self-help industry, I don't think that we spend enough time on that piece alone. Because I think a lot of people immediately jump to, "well let me compliment somebody else, let me give to somebody else, but secretly, its called a...I'll have to figure out what it's called, but underlying that was/is the desire to please say that I'm amazing back. Please say I love you back. Please give me validation, respect, approval, etc. And so it's disingenuous. So that piece of, let me fill myself up first. Why don't we take a minute, just real quick because we are getting short on time. But walk somebody through how they really do that. How do they really love themselves to get to a point where they are full enough to where, when they go out into the world, they're doing it from a place of authentic love and giving away?

Jairek Robbins: It's a big question.

Peter King: It's a huge question. [crosstalk 00:45:02]

Jairek Robbins: And everyone's different. And everyone has different stuff that's kind of blocked up. I was doing a Oneness University course with a group of monks from East India in Fiji one time, for my 26th or 25th birthday, and I remember they were talking about the concept of all of us have the ability to pour into other people around us. Most of us are just all clogged up with our own crap. Meaning, if you look at us like a channel or river, if our river is filled up with all these past pains, and hurts, and negative stuff, the water is being blocked and the flow of all that extra love or abundance, or whatever we want to share, is being backed up in the dam. If we can go back and heal each one of those moments, bit by bit, piece by piece, as we heal them, they kind of disappear and dissipate. And all of a sudden, it opens up the river where now it can flow through us, which means, now we have the ability to, not only share it with ourselves first, but then the overflow to other people.

Jairek Robbins: And so there's so many different ways to heal. It depends on what you've gone through. I have a couple of friends, Alexi and Preston, they have something called the bridge process. Which they do like physical trauma healing; and help you get through past traumas and shake it out of your body. There's another one, I forget what it's called, it's like something tremor therapy. Where it's like basically you get yourself shaking, like a tremor and the concept is, like if you watch animals, how like a zebra's butt always has a weird twitch going on? That twitch is physically releasing tension out of it's body. And so, by getting out bodies to do that, it physically releases tension.

Jairek Robbins: You know, yoga mats have a lot of healing to them just because it's a physical space, you can clear your mind while you're physically stretching your body and stretching your mind in the process. Meditation can heal. All kinds of, I'm a huge fan. I'm a coach, I don't do therapy, but therapy is a wonderful place to go heal. There's so many resources, but you got to figure out, you know, is there any trauma? And if there is, what's the best vehicle to heal that trauma. And as you heal your own shit, you'll start to awaken and become the type of person who can help heal others. And be like, I've been through that. Here's what I did and it worked. And refer them to whatever you did and send them over there.

Jairek Robbins: I think where we miss stuff is, you know, is a three part philosophy we live by. Which is learn it, live it, then give it. What happens is, a lot of people read a book and instead of healing themselves, they start trying to heal everyone around them when their shit is still all jacked up.

Peter King: Yes.

Jairek Robbins: And it's like, "Whoa Fella!" Learn it. Then, live it. Fix your shit. Get it right. Then go help other people.

Peter King: Yep.

Jairek Robbins: You know and I'm guilty of that too. You know, when I was really young, I would go to Dad's seminars, learn some shit and be like, "Let me teach you this stuff!" And people are looking at, like a fifteen year old kid, and be like, " Okay Fella, like live a few more years. You'll find out."

Jairek Robbins: I used to hate when people would say that shit.

Peter King: But it's the same words. [crosstalk 00:47:49]

Jairek Robbins: And it's true because I wasn't living it.

Peter King: Right.

Jairek Robbins: And as soon as I started living it, it's a whole different discussion. Now, I've learned. I was listening to Gary Vaynerchuk earlier and he's like, "Any advice I give, is just based on what I've done that's worked. Otherwise...

Jairek Robbins: The advice I give is just based on what I've done that worked. Otherwise, I just won't talk on the topic. And I've learned to clean up my own act too and comb through and be like, "Hey. The only thing I talk about now is the stuff that we've actually lived, that it worked." If you ask me how to raise kids, I would laugh and be like, "Shit. I don't know. Good luck." If you ask me how to get through having your first child as a male entrepreneur, only because I've coached probably 50 men through that process, I can tell you what to watch out for based on their experience but I haven't been through it so I can't tell you from firsthand experience. I can coach you through the process but never been there. And I'll tell people that.

Jairek Robbins: If you become very honest and transparent and real with people, they'll respect it. And you don't have to have done everything to help them. You just have to have gone through the piece that they're about to go through. And all of a sudden, you can help them tremendously.

Peter King: Yeah. That's a huge point.

Jairek Robbins: Hopefully all of this is useful to the people tuning in.

Peter King: Oh. Guaranteed it is. It's a message that people don't ... I mean, all of this though. It's just things that most people don't think about. Most people are stuck in the hypnotic influences that they receive from parents, culture, school, pop culture, what ever. [crosstalk 00:49:19]. What's that?

Jairek Robbins: Popping bottles at the club.

Peter King: Right. How much more time have you got?

Jairek Robbins: Keep going.

Peter King: Okay. Tell me. What's your biggest challenge right now?

Jairek Robbins: It depends on where. We talked about business first. So biggest challenge in business right this second is scaling. It's the concept of hiring the right people, Putting them in the right places and allowing more of it to be leveraged. It's that transition from taking myself out as a business operator over to a business owner. And I'm already in the position. It's working. It's just scaling it and keeping the culture very tight and very clean. And so it's something we're applying in our own business and we're also helping other businesses figure that out and apply it in theirs as well. And it's working.

Jairek Robbins: If I bring up my numbers, I'll be specific. I think we're currently 36% year-to-date ... So we're 34% year-to-date in growth month-over-month. But January, we were 55% growth. February, we were 38%. March, we were 165% growth. April, we were 91% growth. May, we were 25%. June, we were 12%. July, we were 60%. August, we were 48%. So most of these months-

Peter King: What was the March spike for? Do you know?

Jairek Robbins: We had a couple of big events come through. So that the key driver of that was a couple big speaking events that came through which we're working on re-booking right now since we were like, "Hey. Those were big drivers." Like, "We need those again." Like, "Come on, guys. We going to do it again?"

Peter King: I'm totally shifting gears on you for a second but I'm curious to hear what you think about this. What is it to be a man, in your mind?

Jairek Robbins: So this transitioned over the years for me and what I've learned is ... There was a pivotal program I listened to that honestly I wasn't going to listen to because I thought it was a bunch of bullshit. And one of my friends was like, "No, no, no. It's really good stuff." And there's a guy named Evan Pagan who I later became friends with and I didn't know who he was. And my friend handed me this program and on the cover, it said "Double your dating." I was like, "What kind of bullshit is this?"

Peter King: David DeAngelo.

Jairek Robbins: I read some of the copy of it and it's like, "Picking up women," and "Cocky comedy." I'm like, "Really? Who the fuck needs this shit? Like, just go talk to people, dude. Like, what's wrong?" And I just had this, like ... It seemed sleazy and dirty and gross. Like, why are men listening to "Pick-up patterns of conversation of how to talk to women" to get them? It seems so creepy. Share with women. Give to them. Take care of them. Be there for them. Support them. Love them. Don't pick them up and [crosstalk 00:52:28]. It seems manipulative and creepy.

Jairek Robbins: So I didn't like it and he's like, "No, no, no. Promise me. Just listen to it." So shit, okay. So I freaking listened to it and in the program, there was something really important. He said, "For the man to live, the boy must die." And I remember going, "Oh. He's got some interesting shit here." I was like, "What does that mean?" And I started listening and he said in every tribe around the world, there's rituals that transition the death of the boy and the beginning of the man. I was like, "Oh. That's interesting."

Jairek Robbins: And so many years later my dad and I, we went together, a little family trip to go on safari in Tanzania. And while we were there, we went and visited the Maasai tribe, which is a migrant tribe that moves with the seasons. They have cows so they're constantly grazing with the cows and moving different places. And every few weeks, they'll literally move the village. And so when we went there, they way their village is set up is there's a thicket fence. Then there's little huts inside of the fence where the women and children sleep. And then there's a cow ring in the middle where the cows go.

Jairek Robbins: So it's the cows, then the women and the children, then a fence, and then the men sleep outside on the ground. And the purpose and the reason why the men sleep outside on the ground is to protect against the lions physically from attacking the village. And I was like, "Wait a minute. Grown men sleep on the ground outside to protect against the lions that are trying to hunt the cows? That sounds like some crazy shit to me. Like, really? They fight lions at two in the morning by hand?" And he's like, "Yeah. That's how they've done it forever." I was like, "Wow."

Jairek Robbins: And when they described it they said at 13 years old in this village, when there's a boy, what they do is all the men, all the elders and the cousins and brothers and dad and everything will sneak up, they'll rip him out of his hut at 2 in the morning. They'll put a bag over his head and tie him up and drag him out to the forest. And then when they finally ... They'll get all of them at the same night. So when they finally get them out there, all the women will scream, "No. Don't kill them." And they think they're getting kidnapped by ... Some neighboring village is going to kill them all. And so their heart's racing. They're scared out of their mind. And when they finally take the sack off their head in the middle of the forest, they realize it's their uncle, their brother, their cousin, their dad. They're like, "Oh my god. I'm not going to die."

Jairek Robbins: And then they say, "Hey. Here's the thing. For the next 12 months, as a 13 year old boy, you're going to have to live out here in the forest by yourself. And you have to learn how to protect yourself. You have to learn how to provide for yourself. And you've got to learn how to survive and thrive. Now if you succeed, the final task is you have to kill a lion by hand and bring it back to the village. And if you can complete that task, now, the boy will be dead, the man will live. We'll give you a new name and we'll never refer to you as that old name that you had ever before. You are now considered a man and you're part of the village. If you fail, you're dead." 'Cause there's really ... If you fail taking care of yourself, you're dead. If you can't kill the lion, lion kills you, you're dead.

Jairek Robbins: So it's a live-or-die situation. And the ones who survive come back and they're now considered men of the village. And the reason they have to kill the lion by hand as a young boy because when they get older, that's part of their responsibility of the village. It's to protect it from the lions. That's why they sleep outside on the ground. All the men do. And so they have a specific role that they play and they must have the ability to succeed at that role before they're welcomed back to play that role in the village.

Peter King: That's intense.

Jairek Robbins: Now, it's interesting. When I was there, my dad elbowed me. He's like, "Hey. Ready to become a man?" I was like, "Dude. Are you ready to become a man? I'm going to throw you in the forest for a year. Good luck." And we started laughing. Both of us were like, "Meh. We're okay." Neither of us were up for the task in that case.

Jairek Robbins: But the interesting part ... and that's slowly transitioning over time now, like I saw a kid do a TEDx where he created this light movement thing that goes outside the fence of the village that scares the lions away 'cause it looks like someone's moving with lights. So he's like, "Now we don't have to fight the lions 'cause the moving light all night adds a motion detector and just scares away the lions with the light. And it's like, "Okay, there's a plus and a minus to that." The plus is the lions don't have to be hurt which is great for PETA. The plus is the men don't have to be fighting off lions every day. But the minus is there's going to be an innate part of those humans that's been part of their generational history of that village that's going to go away which is what's the new way to transition boys to men.

Jairek Robbins: What's interesting in this country. In the US, we don't have a lot.

Peter King: Nothing.

Jairek Robbins: There used to be something like Boy Scouts. Now it's Scouts because girls and boys are the same and we should throw them all together. There used to be ... What else was there? Boy to man. Get your kid drunk and take them to a strip club and show them some boobs? I don't know if that's the way they were transitioning boys ... I don't know what that prepares you for as a man. Not much.

Peter King: Not much.

Jairek Robbins: And so we wonder why ... What's the role? What's the piece there? I realize equality. I'm a big fan of, "Hey. Women can do just as much." And honestly, they can do way more than men. I mean, they can do all the things we can do and 3D print a human. So at this point in history, with technology, they could cross paths with zero men in their entire lives and have an incredibly fulfilling life with a family if they wanted one just buy using all the tech that's available. That's not necessarily available for a man. So they can have everything we can have and everything else too which is remarkable.

Jairek Robbins: So I believe in equality. I believe they're equipped to do just the same things we can if they want to. At the same time, I still have a bit of an old-fashioned part of me which says, "Hey." When I sat down, I know in my mind how I would like our family to be with me and my wife. And I had to ask her what is her vision of how she would like our family to be. And then we had to in the beginning come up with what's our vision. What roles do we want to play? What roles do you want to play? What things do you want to be in charge of? And what things do I want to be in charge of? And let's make sure that matches.

Jairek Robbins: What would really suck is to get married to someone because you think they're hot and then six years later, be like "Hey. Wait a minute. I thought I would make breakfast every day." And they're like, "No. That's my role. Like, what are you doing?" And now you're like, "Oh. Well, I thought you'd make lunch." And they're like, "I don't want to make you lunch. Get over it." And so it's interesting. You've got to understand each other and figure out what roles are you guys going to take. And under different circumstances, how did that adjust?

Jairek Robbins: That's not the most important thing for finding someone. I think the most important thing is finding someone who's all in. Who's going to be with you no matter where the journey takes you.

Jairek Robbins: I heard a story in San Diego where this really badass motocross guy married some super hot chick and had great kids and he got in a motorcycle accident, became a quadriplegic and she left him with the kids. She left him with the kids and was just like, "I can't do this." And if his bros didn't step up and help take care of the kids and him, he would have been screwed 'cause he was a quadriplegic trying to take care of two little kids.

Peter King: Jeez.

Jairek Robbins: And so someone who's all in. Who's willing to go with you. Who's willing to push you in that wheelchair is the optimum choice. Someone who's with you no matter what life throws at you. But they've gotta be all in and committed and never leave and willing to go through it. And obviously there's circumstantial reasons. If someone gets abusive or does something really stupid. Obviously there might be reason. But I think so many people jump in for the wrong reasons and don't take time to vet out is it really a solid fit.

Jairek Robbins: So being a man to me is being all in for the ones you love. Being willing to be there when they need you. Being willing to listen and hear them and see them and appreciate them for who they are. Being willing to anticipate what's needed and step up and really deliver. It's being willing to recognize the parts of you that are still a boy that want to pick on or tease or do any of those types of things like a little boy would do, where he like pulls the girl's hair and teases her and pokes her and makes fun of her. And then think of it. How would a man show up? A man would be there to listen and to support and care for and guide and be guided by the ones they love.

Jairek Robbins: And so learning how to let go of all those bits and pieces of a boy and learning how to really step in to all the elements of a man I think defines for me what that man is. It's the evolution of a boy to become someone who can care for and provide for and love on all the ones that they really love.

Peter King: Yeah. It's beautiful. It's something that's near and dear to my heart. It's been a focus of mine for the last 10, 12 years because it's such a gaping hole ... There's such a void for that rite of passage for the Western man right now at least here in America. There's really no delineation between that boy and man. And so there's fuzzy lines and people adrift. A lot of men are just adrift and not really clear on what they want. Or they succumb to pressure around them and they try to fit in to a mold that somebody else wants them to live into. And they're trying to appease and approve and respect. Or they go the other direction and they just bulldoze. "Fuck it," and then become abusive and all that.

Jairek Robbins: The best representation I've seen that masses could go through that kind of training was old, old, old-school military training. Not the new school. New school is different. Now people pick on each other and do all kind of bullshit. And it's getting better but old, old-school where it was unity over a specific mission that all men were coming together to protect and defend the ones they care for and love. And they were willing to discipline themselves. They were willing to stay focused on continual habits and routines to prepare. To literally put their life on the line to protect the ones that mattered to them most. Men and women are both included in that but it's the willing to, again, discipline yourself to do what's necessary to take care of the ones you love.

Jairek Robbins: And it's like, "Wow." It was a combined effort for a very specific purpose. For a cause much greater than one's self. And when you can look at that element and say, "Wow. I wonder if there's a way I can train that into my nervous system," it becomes a very beautiful thing.

Peter King: Sacred, in my mind.

Jairek Robbins: Yeah. And I look for those moments. I've had the privilege of being hired to go do trainings for the Special Forces, the Air Force and all that stuff and I always take a moment to say, "Hey. Can y'all put me through any of your training? I want more of this." And so I've been tied up and tossed in the pool and they're like, "Here. We'll drown-proof you." I'm like, "Thanks," as I'm swallowing water and spitting up everywhere. And they're laughing their asses off. They're like, "Oh. You're getting it, huh?" I'm like, "Ech, ach." They're like, "Yeah. Yeah. Good job. Keep going, buddy."

Jairek Robbins: They have fun jacking around with me and showing me a little bit of what they do. They don't put me through all of it but they'll do some of it with me. I have great respect and honor for people who are willing to sacrifice their life to take care of other people and it's not everybody. Some people are there for the wrong reasons but the ones who show up really, truly of service are beautiful humans and I'm wildly appreciative to them.

Peter King: Very cool. Let me wrap this up with one sort of final question. How do you want people to remember ... I usually ask this question, I say, "How do you want people to remember you," and that immediately puts people on a frame of mind of like, after I'm dead. But how do you want people to remember you legacy-wise yes, but also just in their interaction with your company, with you. What are, say, the three top things that you want people to use to describe you and or an experience with your company?

Jairek Robbins: Sure. There's probably just one. I always say people around you can give you a better reflection of who you really are than what you think you are 'cause if I were to use words to describe me, I'm like, "Top achiever. High performer." All this stuff. And I like those words 'cause they inspire me and they're exciting. I see a Dwayne the Rock Johnson version of myself storming through all the chaos and saving lives and all this shit. It's probably what's going on in my head. Too many wrestling matches as a kid watching that stuff.

Jairek Robbins: But I remember I was at a conference and I've always wanted to meet Seth Godin. He's a great guy. And I admire what he does in marketing and how well he's done it over the years. And so I was speaking at a conference. He happened to be speaking at the same conference. A friend of mine said, "Hey. I'll introduce you."

Jairek Robbins: So he took me to his green room and pushed me in the room and they're like, "Hey. This is Seth. Seth, Jairek. Nice to meet each other." And I was like, "Hey. Nice to meet you." And he was like, "Hey. Nice to meet you." And we connected for a little bit. And I was like, "Yeah. Can't wait to see your presentation." And he was like, "Good, good." Shook hands. That's it.

Jairek Robbins: And I went out and at the end, I asked a question. And I had a very specific question because like you, I grew up in a situation where I had a father who's a really big deal and I grew up working for his company and then leaving and starting my own. And trying to purple cow myself into the world and figure out my unique differences. To stand out and be myself, authentically. All this jazz.

Jairek Robbins: And I overheard from a friend that his son works for him in his mailroom at his company. I was like, "Oh. Mr. Purple Cow has a very close son that also works in his company. I'm like, "I worked at my dad's company. His son works at his company. Okay." From the purple cow standpoint, I wonder what he would tell his son on how to purple cow it. Stand out. Be different. Be unique. Be himself.

Jairek Robbins: So I asked the question. At the end of the presentation, shot my hand up. And I'm like, "What would you tell your son on how to stand out? Purple cow style?." And he stopped. He says, "I don't think this question has anything to do with me or my son. I think this question has to do with you." And I was like, "Damn it."

Peter King: Touché. Cool.

Jairek Robbins: I really wanted to know what he would ask his son. What he would say to his son. I was like, "Oh. This is not the time, Seth. Stay focused. Answer the question." And he said, "No. I think this more has to do with you." And he said, "Listen, I know who you are. I've watched your stuff online." Which is a great compliment. I'm like, "Holy shit. You watch my stuff?"

Jairek Robbins: And part of it was I was trying to get him on our podcast or our vlog a while ago and I had a friend who worked for him and she's like, "With Seth, you have to be persistent." She emailed him like 18 times and he kept saying no. She was like, "Well I'll just be persistent. I'll keep hitting him up." And eventually he was like, "No means no. Get over it." So there was a little bit of that still there. And he says, "I think this more has to do with you than it does with my son. So if I could help to the audience here." He said, "I've watched your stuff. I know what you do." And he said, "If I were to give you any feedback from an outside perspective, what makes you different is the fact that you care." And I remember being like, "Oh. That's cool. And then the back of my head is like, "How the hell do you make that into a marketing logo?" Like, "Welcome to JairekRobbins.com. I care."

Jairek Robbins: Anyone that tells you that they care, you're like, "But do you?" It's fucking creepy when people say shit like that. Like, "Trust me. I'm telling the truth." I'm like, "You fucking liar." Only liars say that before they say shit.

Jairek Robbins: So I've learned over the years ... That was a few years ago. And I've learned to be like, "Okay. Is that true?" 'Cause it's someone who I respect who's outside and looking in. They're watching how I show up and they're telling me something that they see to be true from an outside perspective. I was like, "I think it's true. I really do care." Even ask my wife. I spend hours every day just messaging people back and answering questions and helping people solve stuff.

Jairek Robbins: I had a guy yesterday who called me to sign up for coaching and he told me all this stuff that was going on in his life. And then he wrote me today and he's like, "I decided not to move forward." And I was like, "That's okay." Here's five things that can solve what you told me you were challenged with yesterday. I'm not hiding it behind the payment. Like, "Pay me and then I'll help you." I'm like, "No. Fuck it. Here. I'll change your damn life right now if I have opportunity to. And if God sent you to me right now, great. I'll show up and deliver and who knows, maybe we'll cross paths in the future again." And I'm cool with that because I know if I keep doing that, it'll always stack up. And it'll stack up in the fact that I found the person who needed us most with the message that they needed at the moment that they needed it and I delivered. That was the victory. The victory isn't someday in the future, it's going to add up in my favor. The victory is, "Hey. Maybe that was the one person I needed to help today and maybe this was the exact way I needed to help them."

Peter King: That's beautiful.

Jairek Robbins: And like I said, when I started to forget about all the other stuff and only focused on that, everything grew exponentially.

Peter King: Words to think about. For sure.

Peter King: Jairek, man, it's been a pleasure. Your book, "Live it: Achieve Success by Living with Purpose" is available where? Everywhere, I'm assuming.

Jairek Robbins: Amazon.

Peter King: Amazon.

Jairek Robbins: Amazon all over the world. There's Audible, has it on audio if you want to listen to me be really excited and read you a book. If you'd rather read it yourself, then you can get it on Amazon. They have it in paperback and Kindle and all that jazz.

Peter King: And where can they find you online?

Jairek Robbins: If you google me ... So this is going to be the easiest one 'cause most of you are going to jack up the spelling of my name, I know. I have creative parents. I thank them every day for the awesomeness they put together called 'Jairek,' which is J-A-I-R-E-K R-O-B-B-I-N-S. If you jack it up, that's fine. Do it in Google. It knows who I am. It'll direct you right to me.

Jairek Robbins: And I'd say come hang out on Instagram, Facebook, YouTube, anything. We have all the channels open and we pump out content daily and all we're doing is pumping good thoughts. If you see something you like, hit repost and help spread the ripple into the world and hopefully if it's me sharing it or you sharing it or someone else sharing it, hopefully it'll get to the person that needs it most every day.

Peter King: Love that, man. Thank you so much for your time. I really appreciate it.

Jairek Robbins: Of course.

Peter King: Alright, brother.